Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Yes, Matt. You're Right.

Matt Chandler, a pastor in TX whose sermons are awesome and free says all the time, "You make a crummy god." And he's right.

I spent Mother's Day, and the days leading up to it, feeling miserable. I wondered:
Does the hubby know it's about to be Mother's Day?
Should I mention it?
If I do, am I being presumptuous? {Ridiculous!}
If I don't, can I be angry if he doesn't remember?
Has he planned anything, since usually we aren't particular about holidays?
Will it be what I really, really, really want?

That last one was the biggie. Will I get to have what I want for Mother's Day?

I had set myself up as god for the day, and I was miserable. I spent every moment wondering if I was going to be served and worshiped and when no one else knew my great and lofty desires as god, I was incensed.

My poor family. As god I'd made up my rules about how I wanted to be worshiped, but mind you, I'm a crummy god. I hadn't let anyone know how they were to worship me and could give them no power to do so.

It was almost dinnertime when I realized how foolish and utterly selfish I was being. Once my mind cleared up I was able to talk to my hubby and ask his forgiveness. His response: "I couldn't figure out what was going on." Honestly, neither could I.

So mental note: I make a crummy god.

And for the record, so does everyone you and I know. So don't turn anyone into a god. They'll be terrible at it.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

My Hands are Full

Recently, I was challenged by Gloria Furman {whom you can read here and a few other places} to see how full my hands really are. When someone helps me out at the grocery store because, "Whoo! You've sure got your hands full." I can smile, think of the following truth and agree with joyful enthusiasm.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places..." (Ephesians 1:3)

God the Father has blessed me with every spiritual blessing! What a glorious truth to behold, especially when it seems my hands are full of so much else.

Be challenged, Christian Mommy, to think on this truth in the midst of all the craziness that may be your life right now. Each season is a time to rejoice and be glad because your hands are full!

Friday, May 9, 2014

Lonelier Than I Expected

I'm lonely. I have a few mom-friends. I have a wonderful hubby. Two boys. Tons of FB friends. Old friends from our home in South GA. I have family I can call.

And I'm lonely. Very lonely.

I was naive in coming into this season of motherhood, because with our first son, I simply wasn't lonely. We led a Small Group that met in our home every week. I had single friends and married friends with whom I spent every Sunday morning at church. My hubby led worship, so I got there after C woke up and hung out until lunch. He napped. I got in the Word or spent time with friends. We ran the place.

Now we are in a new town with a tiny church and a few friends. Having a new baby has made going anywhere 10x's harder, and honestly...

I generally don't want to go. Church, Small Group, the park, CFA, the grocery story... Going anywhere is so much work that I would rather stay home.

So then I spend time telling God I'm lonely. Telling my hubby I'm lonely. Telling my old friends I'm lonely.

And yet, I'm pretty sure I won't want to go to church this weekend, and if we don't, it'll be the same pattern this week as last week.

I'm Back. Again.

I am notorious for beginning things but not finishing them. Please note the huge gap of time between this post and the last. However, I want to begin anew. Over the next weeks I'll be revamping this blog, adding some new "Blogs I Love" and deleting some old ones. I'll be blogging again, and that's good for me. I hope it'll be good for you, as well.

In case you missed the last two years of my life, here's a rundown:
Enjoyed toddler days.
Church issues.
Huge sin.
Hubby was in Iraq.
Learned that God is "The Great I AM."
Fought alongside my hubby for our marriage.
Changed churches. {Not because of sin, just needed a new place.}
Got in super, awesome shape.
New job for hubby.
Moved out of state.
Learned a ton about home management.
New church.
New baby.
Many thoughts and hopes of moving back to a different part of GA.
Really, really tired most of the time.

Well, that about wraps up the last year or so of our lives.  I hope to see you soon!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Sarah, Jeremiah and Solomon

A beautiful siren once confessed, "Everything changes / Everything falls apart / Can't stop to feel myself losing control / But deep in my senses I know / How stupid could I be / A simpleton could see / that you're no good for me..."

A suffering prophet once observed, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)

A wise king once commanded, "Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well." (Proverbs 5:15)

The grass is never greener. Our hearts will lie to us, tempting us to find satisfaction in the forbidden ones. Drink deeply from your own well, your own husband or wife. Do not be led astray; you'll only be left to die of thirst. 

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Oh, Hezekiah.

Here's the story: Hezekiah is king of Judah. He's one of the few "good kings." God tells him he's going to die, so he begs humbly for his life. God agrees to give him more time.

Then, the King of Babylon hears that he's recovered, so he comes to visit. He not-so-humbly lets this king see everything he owns, all his treasures and...Well, all the stuff you don't let another king know you have.

He's rebuked by the prophet Isaiah for doing that and God tells him that one day all his stuff will belong to the king of Babylon and his sons will be his eunuchs. Here's his thoughtful response: "The word of the LORD that you have spoken is good.” For he thought, There will be peace and security in my days. (see Isaiah 39)

That last little bit always fills my heart with anger. How on earth could you be so selfish and self-centered and...I mentally continue angrily interrogating King Hezekiah. {It's oh-so helpful and accomplishes a lot.}

Tonight, I stopped my little mental rant and realized: Usually, the reason I get angry at someone for something, especially a sin, is because it's something I do. {i.e. I get super angry at prideful people who want to be right, because it inhibits my moment of being right.}

I sat for a few minutes and journaled through my thoughts. I was thinking King Hezekiah was filled with pride, selfishness and a love of comfort...

Dang it.

That last one got me. Ooh, right on the kisser.

If I struggle with any sin, and I struggle with many sins, worshipping myself is number one. And what better way to bow at my altar than to be sure I'm always super comfortable. I've sacrificed much time, love and many people on the altar of comfort.

I got nothing. No more throwing stones at King Hezekiah. I must walk away with my tail tucked while Jesus writes my name in the sand.

After being humbled to the dust, I am grateful for a few things in this:

  • God always tells the whole truth about great "Bible heroes." 
  • He's preserved their stories, so I can see my life through theirs.
  • I don't have to hang my head in shame when I see my sin.
God's already paid the great cost of my pride and selfishness and idolatry. I'm free! Free to obey Him and follow Him and love Him above all, badly and inconsistently, but love Him just the same. 

Saturday, June 9, 2012

This May Be Bad Logic. I'm Not Sure.

I'm currently reading Three Free Sins by Steve Brown. {Confession: I'm nearly halfway through, and I'm still not sure I understand the phrase "three free sins."}

It's an easy read and still theologically solid. Strange, I know.

Well, here's the epiphany I had just now as I was reading:

  1. A person can only forgive others if he's know what it is to be forgiven.
  2. A person can only be forgiven if he's sinned. 
  3. Religious people are usually mean and angry at everyone and can't seem to forgive sinners. 
  4. One reason religious people can't forgive others, is because they can't accept the forgiveness they've been shown. 
  5. Religious people don't see themselves as sinners and see no reason they need to be forgiven. 
God's forgiveness -> Knowledge of own sin -> Repentance -> Ability to forgive others 

But none of that can happen if I'm convinced I don't sin, or that my sins are too small to warrant a holy God's forgiveness. 

My brain hurts. I think I need to sit, journal and draw more flow charts.